2015.02.20: a contrite, humbled heart

My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn. – PS 51:19

my Lord, before you my life is an open book
in your gaze my soul is transparent
yet i fashion fig leaves of my own making
to hide the shame in my heart

so i seek to win back your favor
with fasting and exacting penitent observances
like i could hide my selfish intentions

and when i’ve exhausted all of my efforts
and lost all hope of earning redemption by myself
with despair gripping my soul and pride seeping away
all that was left was destitution – complete poverty of spirit

only then did i cry out for help
only then did i realize i needed you
only then did i turn to you with contrite heart

yet in that moment
i became aware of your presence
my tears turned from contrition to joy
as i felt your love pouring over me

now all i want to do
is fast from the world
and feast in your presence
with a contrite, humbled heart


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